Relationships have always fascinated me. The complexity of two people getting together, falling in love, spending a chapter of their lives together before potentially parting ways later down the line… The baffling societal concept that a significant other can fill that hole (no innuendo intended), make you feel “complete” and fulfil your personal happiness and wellbeing. Let’s stop that.
The biggest revelation I learnt in a long-term relationship is that you are not responsible for their happiness. Contribute to it – yes, but you don’t have the power to live their lives for them or control their contentment.
It’s particularly more intense for females. We’ve faced the battle of being told by male figures in our life “you’re too young for a boyfriend” while aunties and female family friends greeted us with “how’s school?” before doing a U-turn to “Have you got a boyfriend yet?”
Okay, I’m done with the morbid rambling. Relationships can be fun, I just don’t appreciate how society epitomises them as the be all, end all. As someone who has been out the game for ten years, I completely skipped the “dating” stage, so I live for my friends dating stories and Tinder nightmares (hehe).
Dating apps seem to be the way forward, but I want to know if they are more than a temporary fix. I dabbled with apps in the brief moments I was single, but they just felt very game-like to me. I couldn’t take it seriously knowing I am literally disregarding a person because I don’t find them physically attractive.
Tinder sounds like a dream for flings, but I mean, if you’re craving a relationship focalised on values, depth and substance, I find it hard to believe Tinder is the place to be. But, who am I to even comment? I’ve never even been on a date. What I’m trying to say here is, I. Have. No. Idea… So I did what I do best and asked people about their business.
I asked people to share their memorable (to say the least) Tinder dates and the results did not disappoint.
“Met XXXX on Tinder, started seeing him long term and thought “okay, this is going somewhere.” On date 8, EIGHT, he told me he didn’t want a relationship despite letting on the whole time that he did. I said I’m going home because he literally wasted my time. He paid for my taxi, so I went to my exes.”
“Matched someone on Tinder… We were speaking for a week or so before deciding to meet. He was good looking and suggested we should go town around 5pm. I thought it was a bit early but gathered we’re probably gonna go for something to eat before heading out for drinks. I got dressed up, shaved 😉, the lot…. Only to find out that he literally wanted to walk around City Centre for 3 hours. He had me walking around the Arndale and barely spoke. It was like something out of The Undateables.”
“One time, I got picked up in his British Gas van… Maybe he had just finished work, not sure. I was in a cute top and heels. Next thing I know, I’m steaming at his hotel and the guy brings out a platter of tuna sandwiches. Tell me where they went, cos I didn’t touch them. The fat c*nt ate them all.”
“This lad brought me back to his after our date, only to find his GIRLFRIEND and THEIR child were waiting in the kitchen. He got slapped up and I made a sweet escape.”
“I was too scared to meet this guy off Tinder as I wasn’t too sure about him so thought if I’m on a night out with my friends and meet up with him and his friends, nothing bad could happen. Wrong. We ended up going back to an “after-party” but it wasn’t an after-party was it. It was a bloody garage full of taxis and middle-aged dodgy men. Not to mention, the police turned up in the middle of it all.”
“I got CATFISHED. The girl I went to meet turned out to be a guy!!!!”
“So, I met up with this guy from Tinder whilst visiting London, said he wants to get to know me and take me on a date. One of those IG famous bait guys, turned up on the first date wearing an Off-White shirt looking all boujiiiii with a brand new 5 series. I’m like okrrrrrrr. Go for dinner, my guy pays with a wad of cash – naïve me doesn’t think anything of it. At the end of the date, he wants to go and drop something off to “his friend.” I was like yeah, fine. One drop off turned into 2 into 3 into 4…… My whole first Tinder date was a drug deal, I cba.”
“So someone I matched asked to meet and take ME on a date. I suggested going cinema because it’s just easy. Went cinema and the queue was massive so I nipped toilet. Came back, he was stood at the front, holding up the queue looking at me to pay. Not an issue but it was well embarrassing. He literally threw some of them big bags of M&Ms too. I was thinking ok………. The film finished, he said should we go Nando’s – I was hungry so said yeah. I worked in Nandos at the time, so not only did he ask me for my discount BUT MADE ME PAY FOR IT TOO. I ate my food so fast and was like “I’m gonna go now”…. He asked for a lift home on the other side of Manchester. If you’re reading this, you owe me £30 😊”
“I was speaking to a guy from Tinder for a while. He was my exact type (so I thought.) We ended up meeting to get food. I didn’t even recognise him until he approached me. I nearly died on the spot! He was an absolute boot (sounds awful but he had no resemblance to his photos.) Anyway, I wanted to leave but felt rude. I got absolutely hammered and told him to stop editing his photos. The night was still young (unfortunately) and he tried to kiss me and started asking me really personal questions about my bra size. I “went toilet” but ordered a taxi and blocked him. I saw him 6 months later in Seymour park but ran.”